Hi Ravi,
I am not sure about your nature I.e.if you are generally a happy person and if only the last few years have been depressing. If that’s the case I guess you’ll figure out a way to get rid of your challenges, eventually.
I have been mildly melancholic/thinking deeply most of the time, especially when left alone. Also a self critic but not a healthy one. I am aware of these now and trying to change, although it’s hard.
From your post I can sense that you could be a negative self critic yourself.
I know that when I am through with my current challenge, I will face another one and then another. I feel thats the way of life. Some challenges are easier to handle than others. It helps me if I think of them as part of the learning process and try my best not to go into ‘i deserve it’ mode.I used to fight hard at every challenge, taking life so seriously ( I still do because it’s so ingrained) but now I have no strength left. I was watching an astrology video recently in which the astrologer said something so appropriate. This is a gist of what she said. It’s possible to be an optimist or a pessimist but there is also a neutral state in between. People who are able to stay positive always, very good for them. Those who have a tendency to go into chronic depression or criticising oneself often will find it difficult to jump back up to the positive state. It’s good to maintain your energy at a neutral state. Falling into the state of sadness several times can make it tough to get back to neutral. Once you sense that the depression is setting in, do something, do anything to get to the neutral state, like taking a walk,meditating, watching funny videos or whatever works for you. I am learning this the hard way. I realised that I am emotional and sensitive and at every challenge, I react the way I know best, emotional touchiness in my case. It’s draining me physically and mentally. Now, I try my best to get back to neutral.
You must be going through the toughest trial in your life right now, not to mention the regrets and other things but try to stay neutral. I know how hard this can be but for your own sanity try not to lose control of your mind. Try your best not be your own worst critic. You seem to be a good guy. I hope things get better for you. Take care.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by humour.