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    Dear Tee,

    I can relate to the things you have mentioned. Is there any book I can read which will give me pointers on how to be more confident, trust myself and so on?

    My mother used to work very hard to take care of us. She would take care of my father and us no matter what happened. I did not have any communication with my mother growing up. She used to be very busy. Its only since a few years we talk to each other.


    My mother has grown weak with age but she has returned to her usual strong self. She just wants to see me happy.

    “Are you perhaps aware of an inner critical voice (the inner critic) which is telling you certain negative things about yourself? For example, “I’ll never be happy”, or “I am such a freak” (both of these is what I’ve been telling myself while suffering from an ED). So what are those thoughts/beliefs that you have about yourself, which sort of run half-consciously in the back of your mind?”

    I may be falling behind in life, not sure of the choices I have made, little afraid to make choices for the future. Everyone around me seems to be making a lot of progress. I don’t think I have failed but I feel I have not lived upto my true potential.


    Actually my mother is healing with me but she has always been strong and supportive and kept the family together. Actually, she can do without me. Its just minor tiffs we have sometimes.

    “You may not be aware of those false beliefs”

    Exactly! I sometimes don’t understand what ‘normal’ means or how I am perceived or if I am saying the right things etc.


    I eat healthy food too but I also eat because I crave a good feeling.

    “And how is it to live with your mother? You’ve shared that you like to help, so I am guessing you’re helping her a lot? How is it otherwise?”

    These days because of office work, I am unable to help much. My mother is very supportive when I am down but I also stand up for myself if there is unreasonable blaming etc. We have a fairly healthy relationship.

    “For example, if we haven’t felt loved as children, we’ll often be attracted to people who aren’t interested in us, or who are emotionally unavailable. And we’ll suffer because our love isn’t reciprocated. Maybe you had experiences like that?”

    Experiences are teaching me a lot of things. I wish I did not have to learn this way. The downside is I am losing people although I m gaining a lot of lessons on the art of living.


    Yes Tee, I am currently living with my mother.

    Maybe there is more than one reason causing me to binge eat. I am not able to figure it out. I feel hungry most of the time but this is not happening since a long time, just a recent development.

    “Please do, because I don’t think you’re a super laid back person with a thick skin, who isn’t hurt by anything, are you? ”

    Hehe. Yes I will work on it.

    “You’re welcome to share more about it, if you’d like to…”

    I just feel very unclear and foggy in this regard. The person I like doesn’t like me back or vice versa. Just one time I let a person go and I regret it.


    Hi Anita & Tee,

    Thank you for sharing your struggles related to binge eating.

    I do want to get out of the cycle of binge eating, even if it is gradual.

    I usually don’t get angry easily, yet I will think on the lines you have mentioned, Tee.

    Actually the split is in my family of origin and it was natural, due to death and my sibling moving out after being marriage. I am looking out for a partner but haven’t been successful on that front.

    Hi Peter,

    I saw a video titled “Finding your bliss” by Joseph Campbell. He describes purpose in a spiritual sense. Materialistically speaking, I used to work in a place which made me very happy but was not high paying and therefore now I am compelled to work in a field which offers high compensation but I think I am not happy (not entirely sure though). I will read up more on what Joseph Campbell has to say about purpose & the art of living



    Dear Anita & Tee,

    I got a little caught up with work and could not reply immediately. I did watch the video – “Anger is a signal and not a solution”. The points that caught my attention are, be aware of your emotions, embrace/feel it, do not react impulsively and that we are responsible for our situations and emotions(maybe not always- but the way we react- yes).

    Anita, I appreciate the help that you have rendered whenever I need it. Please stick to your writing style which is verbose. Its very kind of you to think of accomodating my needs even in matters such as these.

    Currently I listen to a lot of music to let my emotions dissipate in a healthy way but have caught the negative habit of binge eating too.

    “As for the topic of purpose, I also believe that looking for purpose outside of ourselves, i.e. detached from our innermost being, as Joseph Campbell put it, will not lead us to happiness and fulfillment. But we need to be in touch with our “innermost being”, i.e. our true self. And for that, we need to know our values, our preferences and our boundaries too.”

    I will read up what Joseph Campbell had to say about life’s purpose. Now that my environment is more peaceful and me having a lot of headspace unlike in the past, i am able to think more clearly so that I can work on myself. Perhaps with a little guidance, inner pondering and observing people whom I look up to/those who have had quite a normal upbringing, I will be able to lead a much more fulfilling life.


    ” (… I am this someone)” – that’s so kind of you Anita.

    Now, I have the freedom to take my own course. Also, I am more cheerful.

    Yes, Tee. I am open to being prodded further. Thank you for all the help..


    “If you don’t know what “normal” is, I think it means you don’t know where you boundaries are, i.e. you don’t know what is acceptable to you and what is not.”

    Yes, maybe what you write is correct. Since I have a slightly turmoiled background, I don’t understand the so called “normal” stuff. My go to quality is usually anxiety.

    “The result is that you don’t even know what you need, or what you want.”

    I think you are right. At times I don’t understand what makes me happy. I should work on this a lot more.


    Maybe I am slightly conflicted Tee. For example I am anxious in situations that does not require me to be. I held some wrong beliefs and I still do, not knowing that they are wrong. My concern is I don’t know what is “normal” in any situation.

    Hi Anita, environment wise, everything is fine now. Around 8 years back I stood up for myself for the first time and continue to do so. For some reason, I cant remember the past too well(or maybe subconsciously I choose to forget it – similar to disassociation I guess).

    “One more thing, humour: you are doing well, you’ve been doing well for a long, long time: focusing on the positive and making progress (you are doing way better than I did when I was at your age and older!)”

    Thanks for this Assurance Anita.

    I feel so much better, thanks to the both of you 🙂 Have a good day!


    Maybe I did not explain myself correctly. I am definitely after more happiness, fulfillment, career success and so on but I either don’t know what to do to attain it or I don’t know how much is enough.

    I am grateful that as the years are going by, there is more peace of mind either because my family has split up and we don’t get on each others’ nerves anymore. Basically the suffering has lessened for everyone, for various reasons.

    But I also feel I have the ego body of a child and not that of an adult. There is some truth in what you say. I don’t understand myself at times haha.

    Also, I observe that those who are younger to me are more mature, doing well in their career & personal life and have lovely personalities. I feel sad about all the wasted years of my life. I wish I could go back in time and change many things.

    But I am also proud of the individual I have turned out to be, considering the circumstances that we went through. Basically I did not end up a complete failure or a messed up person.

    I have to work on many things like understanding expectations, being comfortable with confrontations, understanding adult relationships; a lot of things that constitute the EQ of a person. I learn a lot by observing people around me.


    Thank you for your kind and encouraging words Tee!

    I have gotten a lot better at self-love and self-compassion which makes me proud of myself 🙂 I had lost out on focus & concentration during the prime years of my life because of the volatile environment around me, but by God’s grace I got by. I am doing much better now but suffering the consequences of a troubled upbringing.

    I am grateful for food on my plate, for a shelter and my ability to be of help to others.

    I am also trying to get comfortable in uncomfortable situations, especially at work where I am put down subtly. I am willing to work hard but I should be able to figure out where I stand with respect to my capabilities in different fields.

    I will slowly and patiently work on myself 🙂

    Thanks once again for the loving guidance, Tee!


    It’s weird and hard to explain. It’s bitter sweet, push pull type of relationship that we ve had. My mother has also made tremendous effort and sacrifices but there have been too many conflicts in the extended family as well. Too much stress and sad memories overall. My father’s passing leaves a deep void in my heart. I wish there were good memories.

    Thanks for your reply Anita:) I should ve been a happy healthy individual at my age. I’ll work on it now. I want to be joyous, healthy and have fun 🙂


    Maybe you are right Anita. I had a strong belief system. It’s shattered now and I am so confused.
    I just want normalcy to return, the way I was before all kind of shitty stuff entered my life. I just want to enjoy simple pleasures, love myself and others. I want some kind of normalcy in my life. I am getting frustrated with regrets, things not turning out the way I wanted it to, my efforts not being recognised, me not able to meet my own expectations, people pleasing. I ve had enough! I want to forget everything, be reborn and just have fun:) I want to let go..Arrgghh. I feel I am the only one stopping myself. Yikes!


    You are partly right Anita. Nina, I was a very active person but for the last 4 years I ve been depressed. Not much enthusiasm. Janice, psychological stuff bother me too much. Stuff like guilt, anxiety, fear, not being good enough. I am not able to let go of past. Things are much better than 2014 and 2015. I want to get back to being cheerful. I want to forgive myself for my mistakes. I want to be able to take care of myself and be less of a martyr. I want to find love, freedom, joy within myself and without. Even a tiny spark of love will give me confidence and heal me. I want to be healthy. I am in my early 30s. I feel like I am 60. Feeling helpless, confused and wondering why things had to happen the way it did…

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 74 total)