Dear adyonfire4:

I think the key sentence in your post is this: “In 2015 being in new place I was alone, didn’t make any friends(my BIGGEST MISTAKE) to concentrate on my studies” yes, it was your biggest mistake looking back.

A person needs emotional support, comfort from at least one other person. Can’t live as an island as we are social creatures by nature, born that way. So when you figured you should be alone so to concentrate on your studies, that was a good plan for the short term only, not the long term of studying.

So you got very lonely and hungry for emotional/ social support, comfort. Then you attached yourself to the only person available, and when that person was to be gone from your life (getting married), you panicked and were willing to do anything to get her back, even marrying her.

This emotional distress of starving for support, comfort… love, the attachment to the only source now taken away, this island you became, isolated in a sea of water, was in great distress: anxiety and depression.

The underlying lack of your social support, I believe, is the unfortunate fact that your parents abandoned you, not allowing you to live at home and criticizing you repeatedly.

Your parents in behaving that way set you up for failure.

My advice is to distance yourself from your parents, that is to no longer hope for their approval, no longer try to get their support, comfort, love. See it as a lost cause.

Then look for support, comfort, love elsewhere, other people, one at a time or a group, perhaps a support group of people you can meet in person. This is what you needed all along and what you still need.

anita