Dear Xerox:

I strongly disagree with your assertion that you choose to suffer. No organism on the face of the earth chooses to suffer. Even those masochistically inclined derive some pleasure from pain. No, you don’t choose to suffer. Your over thinking is not aimed at increasing your suffering. You think so much in efforts to feel better. Your thinking is active in search of solving the problem that is in your way to feeling better.

An animal withdraws from pain, from suffering and reaches out to pleasure. You cannot possibly be an exception.

Problem is your thinking probably went through the problems many times but glossed over, didn’t stay long enough, didn’t incorporate your emotions so to achieve a full understanding of the real problem and solve it.

The real problem is an injury you have suffered, an injury that is bleeding into the present. To stop the bleeding, and then, to heal, you have to locate the injury first and see it for what it is.

The injury is not slight or superficial. It is deep and intense. It will keep bleeding no matter what you do, until you locate, identify and attend to it.

I don’t know how long you attended therapy, but many therapists are not competent, empathetic and/ or hard workers. You wrote: “My therapist said many times, it’s my choice. My choice to live in misery or joy. I create my own life.” If your therapist’s message is that you created your misery, that you chose to suffer from the very beginning, then she (or he) is wrong. If she claims that you are not interested in feeling better, then she is wrong. I don’t need to know you better to be absolutely sure that you didn’t create your misery.

Healing is possible for you and it is a great commitment and you need help of a competent, caring, hard working therapist. It is a matter of choice to take the steps to heal, to do the hard work required, to be persistent, to keep at it. And to do so for months and even a few years, as required.

You wrote: “Unable or unwilling to let go. Unable or unwilling to accept the present moment. Unable or unwilling to accept that I’m ok now. And will alway be ok.” My response: the pain in you will not go away until you attend to it. Until you attend to the injury, you cannot avail yourself to the present moment for long. You are not okay now because you are bleeding, figuratively. The bleeding has to stop and the injury healed. As these are done, you will heal and be okay.

Please post again.

anita