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Reply To: missing colleague in job that i just left

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#107042
Anonymous
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Dear Sann:

We have so much in common: our mothers so similar. I didn’t know it until you shared in this last post. No wonder you are so scared. So scared of being trapped with a person.. like you, I did not have much trouble living in a foreign country. And I too hitchhiked a whole lot. I too felt very good with people I will never see again.

What scared me all those years was my mother. From your description your mother is the closest to mine of ANY description of any person heard in my lifetime.

My mother was borderline too, and histrionic. Unpredictable, raging, suicidal, blaming, scary. My fear was always to be trapped, like I was trapped with her. My moments of happiness were hitchhiking, being on the way from here to there, and it didn’t matter where “there” was, as long as it was away from her.

You wrote that maybe you were too sensitive- no you were not. You were born as sensitive as any other baby. Your mother really was scary, too scary. Like mine. No child can endure this kind of fear without being seriously affected.

I have been away from her for a long time but I carried her in my brain, internalized. We do that, you know. So everywhere you go, there she is, coming alive whenever you get to like someone. You get scared, trained that way. You think others will hurt you like she hurt you. No wonder you get scared. I was.

I will read more when I can handle it. Like I wrote Sann, our resemblance as far as our mothers is astonishing.

Till later-
anita