Dear Shirley:

Your focus/ obsession on calories, weight, health food- I share this with you and am trying to heal from it myself. I am making progress but it is a tough obsession to beat, for me. The cause is anxiety, fear. The same cause or factor that is involved in your self doubt. The obsession with eating only health food, not gaining weight, burning calories by (over) exercise, all these are ways in which you are trying to control danger, to ward off danger. The thoughts behind this behavior is something like this: if I only eat health food; if I don’t gain weight; if I burn these extra calories I ate- then I will be okay.

This is incorrect thinking involved in a real problem: excess fear.

This excessive, ongoing fear (with breaks; there are always breaks)- it is a problem that you will need to deal with. You have been dealing with it the best you can, meditation, nature, laid back friends, angels and you will need to continue to deal with it, but more than deal with it, it is possible for you to do healing work that will stick, over time.

It is possible that psychotherapy with a competent, empathetic, hard working therapist will do wonders for you. Wonders in helping you gain more insight as to why you are “Too Criticizing of Myself”- the title of your thread, why you are so anxious- how it started, how it is maintained and then figure out ways to eliminate stressors and choose a life most congruent with mental health.

Living separately from your parents can be a great stressor that will be removed. There are other stressors that can be removed, and skills to practice more. But the stressors- got to remove those.

Can you see if you can attend psychotherapy provided by the school/ community? I want the best for you and I am concerned. I know you will do fine if you attend to reality, and part of reality is your anxiety.

Till your next post, please take good care of yourself.

anita