Dear dixie02:

Your history, the fact that you are back living in the same small town, made this man a very attractive prospect. In the emptiness, or darkness of your social/ romantic life, he is a shining light. On the other hand, his social/ romantic life is fuller and so, for him, you are probably less of a .. shining light in the darkness.

I wish he was single and that you and him would have the most wonderful love story that can be. This is not to be for now because he has a… 20 or so year old girlfriend. This very fact is meaningful by itself.

Back to the beginning of your story: your shyness, I am thinking started at home and then expressed at school, brought you additional bullying and that is a great shame. But you were not born with a shyness gene and it is not a life sentence. This shyness is fear, fear of being hurt because you were already hurt, at home, then in school and then more. In your mid thirties now, you still have the opportunity to heal from the hurts that still need to be healed.

I don’t know the future you have with this man, neither do you, of course, much of it is out of your control, 50% of it at least. But your future is more in your control, this healing I refer to. You can find yourself extroverted, confident and authentically so.

anita