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Dear rainbowmystica:
You were most likely rejected by your mother many, many times when you were a child and growing up. And all through that time, she probably fed you well and bought you things and sometimes was loving-like. So you got mixed messages that confused you then and confuse you now.
This is how I can tell if a child (of any age)is loved by the parent: if the child/ adult child is mentally well. I look at the results of the parenthood.
If you look back you can probably come up with example after example of how your mother rejected you, before and independently (having nothing to do with) your sexual orientation. Can you come up with examples and share them here?
anita