Feeling a little bit low tonight 🙁
So basically I quit my job a few months ago thinking I would be so much happier, and that I could accomplish what I wanted quickly like getting healthier, getting my book finished, but in reality it has been kind of lonely and depressing. I usually never got much writing done at all because I was thinking about going on a walk, eating, playing with the pets, and when my boyfriend got off work we would watch TV . Well I finally decided I need money coming in as soon as possible, so I talked to the temp agency and they have me starting a job Monday. I am nervous but very relieved to be getting out of the house. Maybe I will be more motivated to write when I have some money. It also will not be physically taxing like my last job.
My mom once again asked why I never call her, but she had to call me because some of my paperwork came to her. She proceeded to lecture me about buying my own condo and why I should, even though I live with my boyfriend. I don’t think she thinks he is successful enough. She keeps telling me I need nice things when I really don’t want them. I want to live a minimalist lifestyle and I don’t know why she can’t understand that. She doesn’t know why my boyfriend will not put money into fixing our house, and I get mad at her but then I find myself agreeing with her and questioning my boyfriend, even though it wasn’t something I originally cared about. It makes me so sad that I literally don’t know what ideas she is putting in my head, and what is really true.
Bf and I also had another fight about his family. It was his birthday and his mom didn’t even message him, yet he always takes her out on her birthday. I just do Not comprehend this behavior of catering to people who are so oblivious, family or not. He also said something where he mixed up my siblings names and ages, and I kind of flipped. He has these moments of being absent minded with me and forgets things I said, where as he constantly brags about his sisters favorite food, her boyfriend, her grades, everything … and doesn’t say anything about me or even remember. Maybe this is an exaggeration because she is his sister. But for me with my insecurity it hurts so much. He also thinks I’m wrong for accepting my dad’s offer of money when I wasn’t working, because I mentioned I wanted to limit or cut contact. I said I did not ask, he offered, and I never ended up taking it. I feel like I’m being criticized more, or not cared about compared to everyone else when I do the most for him.
I also mentioned I really don’t want to drink because I say things I wish I didn’t, and I stress about my health and my weight. He still opens wine every day, he makes it himself . I know I should just say no but I can’t. It’s my fault but I wish I was stronger to hold back. I’m just so upset now and feel so alone. I don’t know why I end up being so independent one day and the next I still want to lash out. I am trying so hard to keep the serious anger to myself but I don’t know what to do.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 8 months ago by Gigi.