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Hey Xenopustex,
This is normal when you begin seeking within. There are layers of energy within you, trapped by your thoughts that no longer serve you. As you realise these thoughts, and recognise, and let them go, you also let the energy go too. You will cry, and feel a plethora of emotions for a while to come. The energy needs to be release, and you will feel deeply. This is healthy, this is natural, and was caused by not listening to yourself way, way back when……
With each stage though…. a space is created within. Let it be for a while, and do not try to fill it up with other things. It will feel unfamiliar, and lonely, and scary as it is a space you have not allowed yourself to be in for some time. The unknown, comes with a feeling of being lost – until it becomes comfortable and your normal once again.
Anxiety is about trying to control the future. Thinking and planning the future is ok, but setting an expectation that what you decided upon, has to be realised…. is the essence of your stress and anxiety. The result will be what ever it is meant to be. Sometimes you will not know why it ‘had’ to be this way, until you have grown internally, and look back. It will be clear, and you will find a gratitude within that is profound.
Go easy on yourself….. Like a bottled up jar, open the lid a little, until you are practised at dealing with what pops out. Then when your heart is steady, and your intuition is once again realised, the open the lid.
Buy tissues, some comfort food, watch movies that make you cry, spend some time on your own, spend an hour on the beach or in a garden. Realise that life is constantly moving, and you are part of that process. You are once again constantly changing, and reconnecting with life.
It will be ok! It already is ok, but it just doesn’t feel like it yet.
Best
Evan