Hi Brie nice meeting you,

When I am doing the writing I just am thinking that everything I do is horrible. When I take a break I do get some new ideas, maybe I get confident again, then the cycle repeats. I always let my ideas sit for a day, and something the next day I hate them.
You’re right I should be able to do it more without a job. I had a job before but didn’t do it, I blamed the fact that the job was extremely exhausting. This job will be easier but yeah emotionally it might still be difficult to write
I hope that’s not the case.
My mom does like gossiping, when she is not criticising me she is trying to bond with me, which makes it difficult. A lot of the stuff she says about my boyfriend, I don’t care about. That he doesn’t have a degree or he has a good job but it’s not good enough for her. I don’t know, I knew these things when I began dating him so I guess I can’t get upset. We have a decent ranch house it just hasn’t been updated. I guess it is mostly her putting the ideas in my head.
Regarding his family, I have asked questions but he tends to not have an answer and just says this is how they are and how he interacts with them. That often leads me to just make a comment like, your mom shouldn’t act like this. The caring is good but it feels like to me it’s only about his sister, or coworkers. Then he doesn’t remember something I said several minutes ago. Petty complaint I guess. I know he wants to provide in a way but ultimately we have to have a second income. He mentioned to me that he paid everything before in a relationship and it wasn’t good.
I know I have dependency issues, and I don’t want them to come back. My boyfriend thinks I am independent so I don’t want to get any worse than I feel. I am the oldest in my family. I have 2 younger siblings.