One month gone by now. I am still here. Have saved a lot of money towards my escape plan. The challenge is that each day gets harder and harder to stay. I wanted to stay until my son went back to college in late August. I wanted to stay through the family vacation that will occur the first week of August. It was only to not “ruin and disrupt” the summer for the son home, and to not ruin and disrupt the last vacation as a family. R-2 still clueless and sometimes makes bitchy comments that I don’t like, but smile inside with what I know.
I am getting along very well with son, while he is home. Sometimes we both “roll our eyes” at some of the mindless comments R-2 makes. I have come to the conclusion that I must leave and be on my own for myself. No jumping into another man’s arms to be saved. Nope, I have a good job and a stash of cash. BUT it is getting so hard to wait to make sure everyone else is taken care of, before I leap. It feels like I am trying to control the “hate” level that will be spewed my way, when this occurs.
Another complication is that another good friends couple is now going on the vacation with us. Certainly dont need lots more witnesses to the meltdown. Also, no refunds on the fully paid cruises at this time. Thinking to make things smoother,(just a fraction) for after vacation, and also son going back to the dorms.
R-1 remains patient, understanding and supportive. One of his sons has left for a foreign country, and the other will just stay in the same marital home with the mother, I suppose. R-1 will be moving out on July 1 to his own place. We speak daily, and he seems to be stronger and less guilt-ridden on his home front and so still in love with me, with his cards, letters and phone calls. I do have a PO Box, as well as a second phone, in order to have secure communications. I think I feel like I am treading water. Some days, I feel like I am going under(like today), and feel sad and overwhelmed,waiting, waiting. Just wanted to vent today. I have requested R-1 not to see me over the summer, so I dont have to find another excuse for a few days out of town. Just no mindset to do that for now.
Hi Anita: I see you are busy, busy, trying to plug the holes in the leaking emotional dikes of our lives. Your words are always logical and bring out the solutions our poor battered souls need to be mindful of. All those young people, with such pain and anguish in their stories. I find it interesting that the pain and anguish over relationships has no age limit, no?