Dear Elise:

I like what you wrote about your mother in your latest post: “She has expressed concern that her failed relationships have transferred to me but she is hoping that with her now husband I see that there are good men as well.”

I like it that she acknowledges that her failed relationships did transfer to you, in the process I mentioned above, in my last post to you. It is not a matter of if or maybe that those relationships transferred to you, it is a sure thing. Can’t be any other way. But I like it that she is willing and able to see that you were indeed damaged by proxy, by the fact you were mentally one unit with her, as a child.

And I too am hoping that her latest husband helps you see another kind of man and relationship. Unfortunately, you are now an adult, in some ways you are formed and a new experience, her latest marriage, is not going to be recorded on a blank page, the blank page that you were as a child.

So now what… what to do? There is a whole lot to do, healing of your past relationships, including her past marriages (how crazy that sounds, isn’t it)

Maybe more therapy, with a better insight this time, with a more focused aim?

anita