Now this is all making more sense…It all started when I was 8 years old. I was a very sweet and smart little girl, I would always get in the teachers good side. Some of the other kids started to bully me because of my ethnicity..(I am half american and Ivorian) They would stop bullying me unless I gave them answers to the homework,tests,quizzes and would do most of their projects. In 4th grade, I met a couple of the popular girls and became friends with them. But they were bullies. Anytime when I wanted to say no to them, they would either stop talking to me or pressure me into doing whatever they wanted. I had this friend who was dear to me but I chose the popular friends over him. He was really sweet and he protected me against the bullies. We got into an argument and he told me these words that Ill never forget…”You said I was your real friend so why hang out with people who dont care about you”. I felt sadness and regret. The last time we spoke was when I said goodbye to him. He had to move.His name was david and to this day I still remember him. I was also used in 5th grade by some other people, but this time I started to stand up more of myself. Some of my classmates kept wanting me to stand up for myself against the bad kids. So the day I did, this person who I thought was ny friend insulted me in front of everyone and I burst out crying. I was 11. I have been used again in 6th some of 7th a little bit of 8th and 9th grade. In 10th grade, I met my best friend from scotland whose name is Molly. she was one of the very few friends i have who has never used me. The last time I have been used for someones own personal gain was this girl name Callie. She told me she was shizoprenic and bipolar and she had very bad anger issues. I didnt want to believe that she used me,but I realized it that she never saw me as a friend. I rarely quwstioned with how she treated me. She would cuss me out and became verbally abusive to me if I did not like what she was doing. one time i told her I didnt like that she kissed her ex in front of me(she knows I am uncomfortable with Pda) she told me excuse the fuck out of me i can kiss whoever I damn want and that it wasnt any of my business. I felt deeply disgusted by her and told her yes it is because whoever you kiss in front of me is my business. Then she cussed me out even more until I apolgized. I thought it was very unfair because I always let her do whatever she wants and the minute I say or do something she doesnt like, she would not talk to me until I apologize or cuss me out. When I told her I was going to cuss her out, she threatned to physcially harm me. She said horrible things to me that I think im so tough, I lose friends too easily, I am too sensitive and other things. I wanted to cuss her out by saying that she was a horrible bitch who is so hypocritical and that she should go and kill herself and no ones likes you because you always threatned to harm them and that you have no friends at all. I didnt say any of it, but instead I stood up for myself and told her that my friends understand me, I lost 2 friends and you know that. along with me apologizing. I got mad and stressed over her because she would only be satisfied with me when I would do things her way. I wanted her to die or at least have horrible things happen to her. But the reality was, I was so mad at myself for being used again. I hated it so much. I am truly a nice and good person. I do care a lot about the current friends I have now. I guess when I see Molly(my best friend) is still friends with her friend of 6 years, i think the truth is is that I want her to stay away from her. She even told me that she thinks that her friend was using her before. I also want her to leave her boyfriend because I believe he’s using my friend so he wont feel lonely. I do not trust him or her friend. I do not trust her boyfriend because when they were dating for 2 months and he came to stay at her house , he told her he wanted to live with her and that he loved her. For some people, thats sweet but for me it was like what the hell! You are lying to my best friend because not only have yall barely dated but you’re promising my friend something that will never happen. His ex gf cheated on him. and when he was heart broken and molly kept comforting him,he decided to date her. I do not believe he loves my best friend.Even though they have been going out for 10 months, i do not believe they love each other but its more of they are staying with each other out of fear of being lonely. my best friend molly has always wanted to date an asian and she keeps dating from guy to guy.She wants to feel love from a guy because her father never accepted her nor love her. Which explains why I do not want her to be used by some guy like her boyfriend or from her friend of 6 years. I do not want her to get her hopes up at all thinking that she’ll be with them forever. I do not want her to cry over them when they hurt her. I just dont want her to be used like I was. My ex boyfriend never loved me(we were 15) I comforted him and accepted him and he took advantage of my kindness then broke up with me. I do not want my best friend to be hurt like I was. She told me that every guy she dated except for 1 has used her and never accepted her. Even the guy she is dating accepts her peircing and tattoo, hes just rushing the relationship with my best friend and she wants to marry him and have his kids and they are only 17. I do not want her to be unrealistic like I was. I learned to deal with reality,but for her she wants peace and no arguments. I am sorry I wrote so much. I feel better getting this off my chest