Dear Hopeful33:

Sorry you lost that post. If you write a long post again, to prevent losing it, you can copy it, then submit. If it is lost you can paste the copied text.

In your last paragraph above, you wrote: “When I was with him, I never doubted that love” May I correct you? For a long time, at the least, you doubted his love, first thinking his reason for being with you was that he was gay, then you asked him lots of questions about his exes so to figure out if he really loves you… maybe at the later part of the relationship you started to relax into the concept that he loved you.

Regarding the email that haunts you. This is what you wrote about it in your original post: ” he said that he had only been with me out of guilt (because he felt bad about leaving me when my dad had also abandoned me as a child) and that he wanted to prove to himself he could love someone more than his ex.”-

I wonder, did you keep that email? If you did, do you want to copy and paste it here (with any deletions of what you don’t want to share)? I would like to look at it as he submitted it for better understanding of it.

As to the paraphrased email, did he write that he was with you the whole duration of the relationship out of guilt? And regarding the ex, knowing how obsessed, jealous you were about his ex or exes, this is a punch in the gut. I see this clearer now.

Waiting for your next post, maybe his email verbatim, or as verbatim as possible?

anita