Dear hopeful33:

The first time you saw his mother, on skype, she told you “that she didn’t think we could make a marriage work, and he was financially unstable at the moment, and that we would argue etc.” Then in the next paragraph (still your original post), you wrote: “Everything spiralled out of control after this…Then we started arguing a lot.”

His mother didn’t just predict that you and her son will be arguing a lot, she went to work for that aim right away, applying the pressure on him non stop. Part of the pressure she applied on him, to leave you was to have him see a “therapist”. Not a neutral therapist, not one to help him decide what to do, but a therapist-as-a-title to pressure him further to abandon all plans to be with you. The mother’s campaign to pressure her son to abandon all plans to be with you succeeded. The therapist- move was successful.

What the “therapist” did was “help” your ex boyfriend to re-frame his thoughts about his relationship with you. She helped him come to certain thoughts so to abandon his motivation to make a life with you: you didn’t love her, was the reframing: you just felt guilty. You didn’t love her; you just wanted to prove to yourself that you can love another.

With the therapist input about that last email, it seems very clear to me that the thoughts he gave you in that last email about his guilt and proving to himself as the motivations for having been with you are completely false. The “therapist” used what he told her so to reframe his thoughts.

Clearly, there is no truth in what he wrote in that part of the email. None whatsoever. This is why it is not making sense to you: the lack of truth in it.

Of course, you still have to deal with the I-am-not-worthy-of-love tree. But sincerely, that email, in real life, is not evidence for anything other than the campaign to get your ex boyfriend to abandon all his plans to marry you. His arranged marriage sealed the deal for his mother. Her job is now done.

anita