I’ve made a persistent attempt to be part of the rest of the world for years. It has never worked. I’m not accepted.

I’ve tried, my god have I tried, to feel like I’m part of society. I’m not allowed to strike up conversations in hobby stores. My opinions are not valued by my peers. My presence is not felt when I’m part of a group and I am not missed when I am away. I find I am only welcomed around people, such as myself, who suffer depression, anxiety or a lack of self confidence.

Frankly, I have to wonder if I even want to be part of such an apathetic and uncaring society. One so obsessed with their own happiness and so unconcerned with the suffering of others does not appeal to me. All I want is one person who will let me love them and will love me in kind. Just one person who I truly matter to. I’m done trying to fit into a society would could so callously lock me away so my presence would not offend them. I just want to be accepted a person. I want to know my life matters to someone and that I’m needed and valued. Monsters can find someone who will love them so why can’t I? I’d like to think I’m far more likable than someone who abuses their partners or treats other people like trash. But apparently I’m not more desirable than people like that. Whatever inherent value those people have that make them lovable I lack.