Dear Nina:

Well, I think you are as normal as can be and that yes, your insecurity is normal. Your boyfriend is in reality living in danger- so no wonder you are afraid for his safety. You are not imagining the danger in his country, it is real. He lost his parents, isn’t that what you wrote, so yes, the danger is close to him.

And you were cheated on by a previous boyfriend. That happens a whole lot in reality: betrayals of trust. So these dangers: physical, emotional, these are real and common.

So how can you live without fear?

key is to not be overwhelmed by it. I like this line from a poem: “Every one of us has to find a way to live with fear.”

To aim at no longer be afraid forever more is delusion because we are in danger: we will die for one thing, 100%- so there. And then many of us die before old age. And what about automobile accidents, going on the road is danger every day, we have x% of severe injury and/ or death. And so it goes. Danger is real.

All we can do is minimize our statistical chances to get injured and die before old age. Be mindful, pay attention to avoid accidents and injuries, to avoid relationships with people who are abusive, untrustworthy. We can do a whole lot to make our lives as safe as possible.

And then we have to accept the rest with as much peace of mind as you can muster. Violence and dysfunction are widespread and common and we can’t help but be touched by it, if not squashed.

Sounds like your parents were good enough and your current boyfriend is a decent guy. I am glad for you. I think you are doing very well. Post anytime.

anita