Hi Anita and hllsld

Thanks for the replies.
I came back from Vietnam after shedding a good amount of tears there.
I have significantly reduced the number of times that i checked on them, in fact there were days when i had no urge to know what they were up to at all. I realize, this strong emotion isn’t exactly because I love this person a lot, may be partly, or even a large part of it, is just my own past experience.
Things do fluctuate of course, but the magnitude is definitely less, and my mood is on a general rise.
As much as i dislike this experience, I have to admit that this has created a new endeavor in my life.Now I have no one to abide to, I can see clearly day by day, what I want to do, and who i actually am.
During the trip i met a girl similar to my age, who quited her job and traveled around. I admired her courage, and at a point i felt like i could easily fall for her. and then i think, the reason why i could so easily fall for her, is because i really like the characteristics that she has, courage, kind hearted, good with words, see things in a positive side.
I want myself to be someone like that, and travlling around has always been in my heart, something that I have never had the courage to do. To let go of the attachment, and to search for things that is happening in this world.
I am in my 30’s, sounds too old to do that, but if i don’t do it now, i probably won’t be phsycially fit to do so in a decade.
I don’t know if it’s right to say that, but I do feel that they are just two selfish people who got together, and who knows what will they become, getting together in circumstances like this. There is also one thing that they won’t get out of this: the reflection of their own shadows and the cause of the whole thing.
I actually am writing a blog, trying to write out all the lessons that I have learned through this.
Now i realize, there are actually a lot of things that I wished to do but didnt
Thanks for all the analysis and empathy, this helped me dig deep down so i won’t make the same mistake again

Chau

I don’t know if this is a right attitude to it, but