Dear Shirley, Earth Angel (and the future Dr. Shirley):

You and Andrew are more covalent than I thought and the prospect of you becoming a molecular biologist will solidify the covalent nature of the bond because, as you wrote, “molecular biologists often help biotechnicians.”

But why does Andrew feel the need to compete with you? I am glad he shares and helps as well, but I wonder about the competition- what motivates him to compete and what exactly competing with you means?

You have a good grasp of the Inner Bully, lots of clarity and that is very good in the quest to shrink and shrink… and starve that inner bully. My inner bully is amazing in its relentless criticism of me: I prepared a salad for myself with a cucumber. Normally I peel it but forgot this time, last evening. And I didn’t like eating un-peeled. The inner bully was there and still is, ready to beat me up for making this mistake. I am relaxing again and again into Healing every time that bully is rearing its ugly head instead of engaging in it. It takes practice… and more practice, endless patience.

I just read your poem, how fitting, my goodness! It does get easier, Shirley. I became aware of my inner bully only a few years ago and termed it Inner Bully recently. I am making progress. That inner bully is not FOR me. It really is against me and won’t listen to reason. It only knows one thing: to bully. And is quite convincing, I mean, it is the morning after and I still feel that eating that un-peeled cucumber was a major mistake of sorts. The inner bully is still bugging me about it right this moment. Just like my mother did- she would point to any Mistake (real or imagined) and would go on and on and on about it, wouldn’t let go, torture me for hours from all angles. So this is my bully, taking after her. It does get better with practice. To externalize that bully, to stop identifying with it, is key. Let’s keep our individual quests to do so going.

anita