ms1681 – I think I understand how you’re feeling, I’ve been there, and I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s definitely a blow to our ego when someone doesn’t want to be with us. I had a similar situation, however I ended things with the hope it would jump him into action and put more attention on me and our relationship.

For soothing the pain: just allow it. Breakups are hard. It’s okay to be sad and to grieve the loss. Allow yourself some time to heal and be kind to yourself. Meaning, don’t beat yourself up for being sad. If you have bad days it’s ok. They’ll lessen over time and become less frequent.

I would like to also say, his feelings and choices have nothing to do with you. There could be a plethora of reasons whey he wants to move on and none of them have anything to do with your worth. He could be dealing with his own insecurities, really want to work on his finances or just not willing to commit to you. Anyway you look at it moving on is the only thing you can do.

By understanding that you’re holding on to something you have no control over maybe you’ll better be able to let go? Look at this; you cannot control his thoughts, feelings and choices. By trying to understand sometimes we’re hoping it will give us the answer as to how to make it work. I find that most of the time when I’m obsessing over something or I’m sad, angry or depressed it’s because (subconsciously) I think it will get me what I want. One of my favorite philosophers says “it’s never the situation that’s bad, its our thoughts about it.” meaning, the situation is what it is, our mind labels it good and bad. How long it takes to let go is entirely up to you.

After a similar experience, I worked on what I can control, my actions, I now try not to cling. I practice meditation, self-love and compassionate empathy and allow anything that wasn’t meant for me to remove itself. It took me several months to get to a happy place after my breakup with noted BF. I was attached and had expectations of our relationship that I had no control over. When I realized that expectations are just premeditated resentments it became much easier trust the process and the impermanence of things in my life.

I’ll keep you in my thoughts and you’re doing the right things! Stay busy, have fun and get out with your friends. Enjoy the time this has freed up for you to do what makes you happy.