Hey liquidsnake,

Thank you for the additional information — it really helped clear up the nature of your relationship. First, a year and a half is a long time for a relationship to last, especially without being physical. I think sex tends to be what some couples latch on to and make them stay together even after the relationship fizzes out. I respect your discipline to keep things on only an emotional level, but that can be so fragile, especially when one or both members have a tendency for jealousy (I am the same way, but my tendency is to try to get some distance rather than beating up every guy I see around her, which also might have been what her tendency was). So it may not have been anything you did that caused it to end, nothing you could have done to save it.

I have been there, man — the cold aches in your gut when you wake up, the depression, the constant thoughts of her. It’s brutal. I wish I could say something that would help make you feel better, and I would if I knew the right words or advice, but I don’t. I think all you can do it give it time.

I have this little “wisdom book” that is a collection of countless self-help books, and every time I read a problem I flip through it to see if there is some advice I could give that could help, and I thought this could help you: “Everyone wants to be loved. But before you can be loved, you have to make yourself lovable. Nurture yourself without concern for a reward and the reward of love will find you.” When the pain subsides some, maybe try some inner-reflection and make some goals about the person you want to become. For example, you say you can’t quit smoking. I have been there, too! I assure you that even though it may be one of the most difficult things you’ve ever done, you really can quit. Try to identify your weaknesses and turn them into strengths. Who knows, maybe once you start to focus on yourself and how you can improve, she will come back into your life, or maybe someone you love even more will.

And cut yourself a break. You seem like a guy. Good luck with everything.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by Mark.