Dear Jessica:

You are welcome. “Why am I so lost?” is the title of your thread. Having read your latest post I will try to answer it, typing as I am thinking, and do correct me where I am wrong and let me know where I am right:

You are so lost because you want to be his girlfriend and he, your boyfriend but you are afraid that if you let him know of this, you will scare him away. You really, really like him and enjoy being with him so much (except when he talks about his exes), that you really, really… don’t want to lose him.

As long as he doesn’t date other women, you are okay, but you are not that okay because he can end this arrangement with you at any time! There is no stated commitment on is part- that distresses you.

You deny your need for him as an exclusive boyfriend because, other than fearing your need will scare him away, because you are afraid of what that need will make you say or do, and how tough(er) life would be if you allowed your need to express itself.

You want him as an exclusive boyfriend, you want a monogamous, committed relationship, but you figure you can have it with him only if he figures this is what he wants. You are doing your best to enjoy-what-is and to be able to patiently wait until he figures it out.

anita