Hey Pinkiepops,

I actually understand what you mean – i felt the same with my last boyfriend except the screw-ups on my part were indeed a mountain range. We were together for 2.5 years – It was great in the first year, in the first blush of love but over time, our differences became more apparent. I think we needed companionship at the point we met but werent really compatible as lovers – he was much too introverted for my tastes, didnt have enough ambition for his life although he was an excellent human being. He treated me well and I did love him but i wasnt “in love”. Over time, my nonchalant attitude towards getting married in front of my friends despite 2 years into a serious relationship, the bout of cheating on my part on one occasion, the break we took thanks to dwindling interest and my lack of attraction towards him were all signs that I wasn’t actually “in love” with him. I was definitely infatuated with him and the idea of companionship he brought into my life.

The lesson i learnt from my previous relationship before I met my ex was that “dont stay if you dont feel it for real.”

This lesson was a hard one to implement. I stayed on for another 6 months towards the end though i didnt have those feelings left for him. I stayed on simply because he was in a rough patch in his life and he needed me – I didnt want to be an asshole and leave. But frankly, hurting him was inevitable. I wish I had been more mature at that point but i get it now…Dont beat yourself up too much, we all make mistakes. I regret that I hurt him like that and should have known better.

However, dont be with him because he is unhappy without you, be with him because you truly love him and want to belong to him. Otherwise you will hurt him more by not being sincere, it will suffocate you and you will resent him over time.

When i met my current boyfriend, the relationship with this wonderful person was mostly over. I feel a bit like Summer in the last scenes from 500 days of Summer. The conversation I had with my ex-boyfriend was similar to what Tom had with Summer:

Tom: “You never wanted to be someone’s girlfriend and now you’re somebody’s wife”
Summer: Surprised me too.
Tom: “sighs” I dont I’ll ever understand that.

then she says: “I just woke up one morning and knew, what i was never sure with you”

Trust me, everyone gets a happy ending eventually but its better to be honest and let go quickly if it isnt feeling right.