Choccoffeewine,

Job-wise I then get the impression that he is attached not only to his job itself, but perhaps to the progress he has made within the company and the environment as well. You say he is in an executive position, so I can imagine the pride he has in regards to his job and position, which is a great thing. However, in this case it is not such a good thing since you have mentioned how often he has to be away, how often you have to relocate, how he has gained weight and doesn’t sleep much.

Freelancing is a great idea. You have your own hours (depending on the job and the load) and certainly then seems more feasible that a traditional job with full time or part time hours. Of course, since it would be your first time freelancing then you would have to do some research in regards to the process for your taxes, the best way to attract clients or work, etc. But it can be done.

Having a conversation with you children regarding plans, “if we’re still here” seems exhausting and and like such a hindrance. Not just for you, but for your children. I can imagine that it keeps you from doing a lot of things that you might want to do or that your children might want to do. It also makes you feel like an outsider/visitor even in your own home because you don’t know how long you’ll be there. Therefore, you can’t plan accordingly. It must be frustrating to say to yourself, “I’m not even going to bother unpacking this” because it means that the items don’t get used or displayed and then there is something lacking and your house is not as you would like it to be. For example, I currently rent the house I live in, I don’t like the area too much and while I would love to have a garden and a beautiful backyard, I am not letting myself do it because realistically my situation could change in a few months or a few years, and then I would have done all that work for nothing. I feel so frustrated about it which is why I understand your situation.

I think that the biggest part of your resentment comes from having started to plan to stay where you are until your children finished high school. The reason I say that is because prior to then you probably would have been expecting to keep moving every once in a while and would not have held on to any hopes. However, planning to stay must have sparked hope and opened up a lot of possibilities that you would not have allowed yourself to consider up until that point. Therefore, when he said that on the phone must have felt as though he was pulling the ground from under you because you were just getting used to the idea of staying. After travelling for so long, it must have seemed like a good change.

In regards to speaking with your husband I completely agree with what Anita has told you. One thing I would say to consider speaking to him about is your resentment towards your job, and how planning to stay really made you feel happy and at home.