Dear Ravi:

I went back to the previous page of our communication, where you wrote the communication with her sister:

The sister: “Do you have any idea how much your deeds affected her?
Me – I never meant anything wrong! Just because I had some feelings, doesn’t mean I stopped caring for her. Is even having feelings bad”

The sister told you that Jerry is hurt, the woman you love is hurt as a result of her relationship with you. Your response was not about Jerry. You didn’t ask to know more about how Jerry is hurt, how she feels about you or the situation. Your response was about you “I … never meant anything wrong…. I had some feelings… I…caring for her.”

In your most recent post you wrote: “I used to keep telling her “I love you, you’re special to me” every other moment and she told me not to say it, saying that those things aren’t spoken in words but expressed in action so the other person feels them.”

She had a good point. You do say a whole lot, describe your love for Jerry in such a dramatic fashion, exaggerated, fantastic but you don’t express love for her in the simplest, most basic ways, like inquiring into how she feels. Like when you were told Jerry was hurt (in the quote here), you didn’t ask about how she is feeling, didn’t show concern but instead focused on yourself.

anita