Dear Ravi:

If your concern was to not sound sarcastic, you could have stated clearly with your tone of voice and your words that you were not sarcastic. You could have said any part or all of the following: I know she is hurt, but I don’t live with her, you do. You can see her. I can’t (and never did see Jerry in person). I am concerned. Can you tell me how is she hurt? Is she crying? How do you know she is hurt? How does it look like, sounds like, her being hurt?

I like your determination to: “work hard on this skill of better communication and also being more selfless in focusing on the other’s perspective.”

I also like your last sentence: “I admit now that my anger and frustration was misdirected and I empathize with her situation and why she had to make this decision.”

One more thing: in your proposed message to Jerry and otherwise, you often mention what the sister told you as if it was Jerry that told you that. When her sister felt angry at you and said what she did, those were her words, not Jerry’s. So in a proposed message to Jerry, it would be inappropriate and not fair to Jerry to quote her sister’s words.

Regarding the message you want to send Jerry:

What are your motivations? What do you want to accomplish with it? be as specific as you can.

anita