Hey there,

Generally speaking, most men (myself included) are analytical creatures that thinks in terms of cost/benefits and be in control of situations. These traits are great in business but kinda suck when trying to establish a relationship.

Think about it in terms of being on the panel of a job interview. Every candidate you interview are qualified to do the job (otherwise why would you interview them?) but the one you end up hiring have a little something special that push them over the line. In most cases, it’s not because of their capabilities (though you may tell yourself that) but that somehow, you can see that this person will be good to work with and a fit in the team. In another words, you feel an emotional connection with this person

Now applying this to the dating world, I would imagine that the women you are attracted to are not the ones that need a roof over their head or wonder where their next meal is coming from. So the whole having a good job thing is nice and get you a date but it’s definately no guarentee for a relationship.

So the tricky question is, what gets you across the finish line? Firstly, accept that not every woman who agrees to date you will want a relationship with you because sometimes the chemistry is just not there and ppl at their 40s will not want to wastes their time forcing a connection. Secondly, if you are wearing an emotional armour to a date, women can usually see it a mile away and immediately file you under the too hard basket. When someone is unable to be authentic in their interaction with others (and you can’t do this unless you are willing to be vulnerable) it sets off all kinds of alarm bells because people will suspect what you are trying to hide which can range from a broken heart to a secret dungeon in your backyard. It also suggests a lack of confidence to be yourself which is a turn off for most people.

Though books can help somewhat, emotional intelligence is more art than science. It’s scary to give someone a piece of yourself to hurt you and there is never any guarantee for success. But if you think about it, most woman have the courage to be in a relationship with a man, bear his children knowing that he could turn around and leave anytime or worst, abuse her, the risk men have to take compared to that is fairly minor.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by Cognition.