Spiritwalker,

Wow, I didn’t realize your relationship was that bad with your sister. In that case Anita’s right, supporting her isn’t the way to go (but I still stand by my suggestion of you getting involved with firefighters – whether it’s through volunteering or charities until you can become one yourself – that way you are still inching toward your ultimate goal). If your sister keeps hounding you for your help and you don’t want to do it, say so. Bear in mind she’ll probably see your refusal as petty (“you’re just jealous because I’m doing this and you aren’t!”), but that’s her deal. You have to devote your energy on yourself and your daughter right now…and as you said, she didn’t extend you the same support.

If you think about it your sister hasn’t stolen anything away from you – you will still become a firefighter. She has copied your life plan probably because she is too immature to figure out a career for herself. If we want to think the worst of her, maybe it’s her way of getting her digs in at you (siblings are experts at getting under our skin), but if we want to put a positive spin on things, maybe she’s doing this because on some deep level she actually admires/idolizes you. I don’t know – the real important thing is (and repeat after me) *her actions and motivations don’t matter*. When I was little, I saw some kids in my class cheating on a test. I was so outraged (I was a big nerd and studied really hard for the exam), I complained about it to my parents when I got home. After they patiently listened to my rant, they wisely said, “does their behavior impact your score?” No, I repled. “Do you want to tell the teacher,” they asked. “No, I can’t prove it,” I replied. “Well then, you need to let it go. Those people are almost always exposed for the frauds they are later. Focus on you,” they said. Sure enough, the teacher caught on and they were punished. However, I had needlessly spent a lot of unnecessary energy on these clowns.

I know it’s easier said then done, but do what you can to let your sister and her behavior go. You can’t change her, she has to change her. Even if you bring up all these wonderful, reasoned points to her, if she isn’t in the space to hear it, your words will fall on deaf ears. Let her go.