Hi Anita,

Thanks for the prompt reply!I hope all is well with you.

I recalled you reminded me to be aware not to automatically put all the blame on myself even in the first thread that i wrote, now i see the depth of it and why this is so important.

I didn’t treat relationship as a dynamic one, i did something wrong, she also did something wrong, and i guess if we love each other enough or patience enough we would gradually see and accept each other for how we truly are. But she chose this extreme way out, which shattered my heart. I can feel the anger even when I recall this now.

Thinking of mastering the skill of ‘not automatically blaming myself’, I do feel like i was a baby who just learned this very new skill, still lacking confidence of grasping it. Guess it takes some trial and error.

And as for my family, I do love them. I just feel bad when I lost patience, and this time it lasts for a few months. It’s not necessary that I share everything with them but I know I have been rejecting them by being mean or blunt with them, which I know is greatly affected by this incident. I have been in a very fluctuating mood and am trying to fight this semi-depressive state for a bit of time. sometime I just get impatience of it, I am so tired of crying. And I feel like I have lost the energy to love.
I hope this is just a phase. and I hope it won’t last long.

Thanks again

Chau