Dear grundfield:

My advice:

What not to do:
Not: Try to talk her into having a child as a solution to her anxiety and depression and as a way to fix the marriage. Such doesn’t work and it produces a child victim to an anxious and depressed mother, a struggling father and a bad marriage.
Not: Try to talk her into anything, apply any pressure on her, argue, try to convince her to try this or that.

What to do during conversation with her:

* Listen to her, pay attention to what she says, ask clarifying questions. Get as much information from her as you can.
* Validate her emotions: let her know by what you say that you heard what she said.
* If during the conversation you feel distressed, confused and not knowing how to respond, tell her just that, that you need to think and process what she said and would like to meet with her again to keep talking. Aim at multiple conversations, not just that one. (You can post after the initial conversation for more of my input, if you’d like).
* Suggest, if you haven’t already, couple counseling with a competent therapist.

anita