Dear norit:

You are welcome. I re-read your original post as well as your latest. The title of your thread is “How can I love myself?”

I think I have the answer to how you can love yourself at this point, where you are, how you are now. And that is, to separate the part of your mind that is the little girl that you were, that you still are. See that little girl as that, a young child. She was born and is all innocent. She has done nothing wrong. She was the whole time and still is perfectly loving. All she ever wanted was to please and be approved by the adults in her live.

Every step you take today, tomorrow, imagine you are holding her hand and taking her along. She is very scared, crying, shaking. Notice when she is scared and comfort her. Literally give her a hug (arms around self), talk to her calmly, positively, gently. Place no pressure on her, be exceedingly patient with her. One little step, that is all you want her to take at any one time. Then congratulate her for that one little step.

And keep at it, going to therapy and everything else you do during the day.

The parts of you that you feel shame about, put them aside for now. Be engaged and focused on the little girl.

I hope your thread continues on and on. I have more thoughts but it is not about more thoughts, it is about implementing one practice and seeing how it works and if it does, persisting in it.

anita