Dear Natalija:

When you were younger, at school, the expectations of you were clear and very possible for you to meet. This is what childhood should be at home and in school: expectations clearly communicated and very possible to meet. This way the child knows what is expected and builds confidence of his/ her ability to meet expectations. Later on in life, when expectations are not so clear, there is vagueness, contradictions, complexity, the teenager/ adult can use confidence earned early to actively choose and navigate through the complexity with enough success.

In your case, at home, there was chaos, not the order you needed; the clearly expressed expectations and follow-through (lets say you did X at home, as expected, and your mother noticed and expressed her appreciation). So your confidence wasn’t built adequately.

It is not too late, at 32 (nor would it be too late at 62) to actively choose and successfully navigate through the complexity of life.

How do you think you can gain the confidence needed to do so?

anita