HI Anita,
I think my attitude comes from the caretaker role I have always had, since young. I am a nurse and it was natural fit to always take care of others, and felt pleased when there was a way I could serve others. Looking at this from afar, it was the role I had with my mother, and all relationships. Always sweet, nice and able to make everyone comfortable as the “Pleaser” role I needed, to validate my worth.
I overthink too much and visualize the disruption and actually torture myself with the idea of hurting another soul. But the lie is wearing me down. I have periods where I just feel very strong for a little while, but it dissipates as the conscience takes over. R-2 was always entertaining and had lots of friends around. Every day was a party! In the last dozen years or so, we moved away from the friends and only have each other since then, except for the few times we traveled to see the friends. No one comes up here anymore, and no one calls anymore. Out of sight, out of mind, it seems. That is how things changed. As long as there was an event, a party, a gathering, a dinner with others, I never had to think very deeply on my unhappiness. I kept a good mask on for all these years. I had always felt that depression and anxiety wasn’t going to work for me. I was always more of an optimist and would just brush those thoughts away. He is realizing the wife is manipulating his life and knows he only has the asset of the house to work with.

R-1: I let him know of my disappointment and sadness that he cut the trip short, due to his obsession with the guilt and insults he might taken to heart, and thought he really was a bad man as graphically told to him by his sons. I told him talk was cheap and he realized he cant please everybody. Who was more important, them or me? He corrected his thoughts and was absolutely wonderful, attentive and no traumas going on the next time we met. He has realized his errors and has been very sweet and kind and all about making me happy. Will update the rest in a little while.