Dear spats1996:

The reason I suggested that you examine the reasons you behaved the way you did with her is because if you don’t and you contact her and she responds positively, then again you will get scared of rejection and again you will give her the cold shoulder, withdraw from her and … lie to her. This will cause her more pain, more distrust and will make you more miserable.

So better examine, look into things, gain more understanding than you have now before contacting her.

If you go as early as you can in your memory, when did you start feeling rejectable? Was it in the context of your interactions with your parents- the ways they treated you?

anita