Dear Aiyana:

You wrote: “I only want to learn more on not having their emotions as my own.” When I think that I am feeling someone else’s emotions (and I have and do often), I sometimes check with the other person: How are you feeling right now? Or: Are you feeling this way…?

Often I get it right when I notice distress on someone’s face or in someone’s voice. But often (!) I don’t get the details of the distress correctly. I think a person is distressed over one thing when he or she is distressed about another thing.

It is not difficult, I believe, to notice when another person is distressed because of facial expressions, voice quality, body language.

To not let another person’s distress affect you, bring you down, that’s a tough one for me. I say to myself at times: this person’s distress is not my fault, I didn’t cause it. That makes me feel better sometimes. I have a neighbor who was distressed so very often, almost all the time so I stopped visiting with her. So different tools/ solutions with different people.

anita