Dear helleia:

You wrote: “why did I have the problems that I had, and my siblings did not have the same problem?”

It is a misconception that I myself had, that siblings are supposed to be similar because they had the same parents. It is often the opposite that is true: siblings taking opposite roles, or niches/ places in the family. When one sibling took possession, so to speak, of the responsible role, the other sibling takes possession of the role that is available, that has not been taken yet, and that would be the irresponsible role.

There is also the different environments within the family, as you pointed out, that exist for different siblings, from the age and circumstances of the parents at different time of their lives to how many siblings exist when the new child is born.

But to expect siblings to be similar because they have the same parents is simply not true to reality.

In your second post you wrote about your mother: “I also mean she doesn’t ‘intervene’ in my basic growing up. She thinks I can learn most things on my own. I guess that’s because that’s also how she grew up…” Well, her parents didn’t intervene or attend, interact, validate, ask questions of her etc. and she grew up to become a woman of no opinions, as you wrote, or very few. Every child needs attention, interaction, validation etc. and if the child doesn’t get it, there will be lack in adulthood.

The lack, or something missing in your person and life that you expressed is a consequence of this lack of much-needed attention from a parent.

This is why I suggested that indeed, quality interactions now will help you become more of a .. rounded person, more whole.

anita