Dear Butterfly:

You need closure, this is part of the title of your thread: “needing closure.”

For closure, you need to close the door on your past hopes and dreams about a life with this man. As long as you hope for such, you are not closing the door and you cannot have closure.

So far you have been still resisting and fighting- in your own head- against closing the door. You state he mistreated you and you suffered a great deal from mistreatment but at the same time you still want him to change, to regret his behavior, to apologize to you and again, to change. You keep No Contact as a way to get him to regret and change, not so much so for you to move on and close the door.

When you stop hoping and stop trying (to cause him to apologize and change), then you will be able to have closure. Not before.

anita