Anita: thanks for the suggestions. I have suggested therapy before, but we live in a foreign country and he isn’t that keen on the whole idea. I speak the language, he hasn’t made much of an effort to learn. i will take a look and suggest it again. Even if it only helps him and not the relationship. I don;t want him to be alone, and he will be very much alone if I leave. I sound like such a victim, if a friend was telling me what i experience I would be packing the bags for them.