In all honesty I think the older one is tuning in to things and he feels it. The youngest one is such a happy little soul in his own world, i don’t think it affects him, but it could do of course. I try really hard not to argue in front of them, but there is a lot of tension in the household in terms of his mood swings. They are both very caring sweet boys. He is a good dad, but he isn’t patient, I know he loves them dearly but he is quick to get irritated. The boys look up to him a lot, and give him a lot of affection and he is super proud of them.
I know where a lot of his anger comes from. His dad was an alcoholic (he died in November after being sober for 7 years, they were not close), and his mother is a cold hearted woman who although I know loves him, does not have a maternal bone in her body. He has very little contact with his mother or his brother (who has alcohol issues too). His parents only seemed to care about each other, and was an equally toxic relationship. She left him just before he got sober, they lived apart but remained friends. I have tried to help him, but he doesn’t really want to talk about it. Apart from tears the day we buried his father he has hardly mentioned it, despite my oldest son talking about it and me trying to engage in conversations with him too. He knows i would sit and talk to him for hours if he would just open up. Maybe its too painful for him.
One thing he has an issue with is the contact my parents have with the kids, who are very loving grandparents, whereas his mother is very distant. Which in turn leads to him trying to control the time my parents spend with the kids. Just writing it down, makes me realise this is more complicated than I think……..