Dear helleia:

You wrote: “I don’t want to be someone who’s only always asking for help and not giving anything in return.”-

It is fine with me that you ask for help. You may think that your asking for help is giving nothing in return, but when you ask for help and people try to help you, each person who tries to help you helps themselves at the same time.

You asked what is “the path of least resistance”- the way I understand it, taking procrastinating, since you mentioned it, as an example, is this: let’s say you missed an appointment because you procrastinated getting up early enough and/ or preparing for it. If it is already done- then you don’t beat yourself up for having missed it. You approach the missed appointment with gentleness toward yourself. You are aware you missed it and wish you didn’t, so you are aware of the reality of it, and at the same time you are kind to yourself: ” procrastinated again. I was anxious about keeping the appointment so I didn’t. I need to be kind to myself because I am so anxious.”

If you didn’t miss the appointment yet and can make it, but feel anxious, you make one small movement at a time toward keeping the appointment: one step at a time as you figuratively take your own hand, your scared child’s hand, and walk you through it, quieting her fear regularly.

If you are too anxious, you kind of ask that child within you: “is it too scary?” And if it is, call the place and cancel.

There is more in your original post for me to read but I don’t need to, right now, because the process of healing is about taking one step at a time, not all at once. It is understanding this little piece and then practicing it.

If you understand one little piece and then practice it before moving to the next piece, your pendulum’s movements will also get more and more narrow, moving just a bit- eventually, gradually- to the right and just a bit to the left.

And now that I wrote this to you, when I will miss an appointment, I may very well remember this post I wrote to you and so (going back to my first point here)- I have helped myself.

Thank you in advance!

anita