But of course he would like me back. It was not simply I like you, you can come back here, there was an opening in his team he needed to fill in. And I know from my colleagues that a lot of people are leaving now. With me, there would be no risk as he knows me, he knows that I am an honest worker, and saving the time to train me. Plus I always did good work for less pay, I am gentle, kind of push-over and he could have his way with me. This is the very reason I hesitated going back to his team.
And his search for new applicant was urgent enough so when I called him back he had given the job to someone else, which is completely understandable. The trouble is, I don;t have any results from the other position, still waiting. I don;t know to what extent managers exchange information internally, and if this could influence my application or not. And if I apply yet again for another position in the same company, I don’t know if this time my ex boss would give a good feedback about me. I hope so, since he has filled in his demand already. This is one of the largest employers in the very capital of my small country, and it is a bit hard to find good work here. Also, I don’t know if other employers seek feedback from former companies…
When I was leaving, he promised to write me recommendations, and I said that of course I would accept if he wants to write me one. He was hoping at the time that I would change my mind and decide to stay, and I was very confused. I wasn;t sure if I was taking the right decision but I was so exhausted by the turbulences I went through. Too much was going on with my life and I needed time to distance myself from things. During my last day at work he said several times: I still think we are forgetting something. I said no, I think I have given you back everything, I have signed this and that, that’s it. He asked me for my phone number, to keep in touch, and said: I know, we forgot the recommendations; he said it with a hint of satisfaction that he was telling me this on the way out. I don;t know where I took that reserved self confidence at that moment, but I was cool. I told him, that if he really wanted to give me recommendations, he would do so, without me having to push him and beg.
I seriously don;t understand any of this. Why during all the time I was working there, he would be only nice when he wanted something out of me, and push me around like a farm animal other times… why I was hearing rumors about other people receiving significant pay raises while I was underpaid and he kept convincing me that there was no budget for me. Why he would play good cop/bad cop with me all the time, and give me acknowledgement when it is too late and I’m half way out… What would YOU do if you were me? Unfortunately, money DOES matter in my case as I have no one else to depend on but myself. And the bank…
Praying every day