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  • #114082
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear virtual friends,
    I need you to give me some advise of making magic or miracles happen. I am stuck and I can see from the real outcomes, and also feel, that right now my outcome does not depend on me. I have this feeling that at this particular moment my fate is being decided on a higher level, and there is no much difference whether I do something or I don’t. I am jobless since December and I can’t find a job.
    I had it tough last year. Many things happened in my family with very bad impact on my emotional stability. The only reliable thing in my life was my work. It was not perfect but I had been there for 6 years, I knew my colleagues, my boss, and how things worked there. I was underpaid but I was good at what I do and it was low stress. But losing my balance eventually led to losing my job as well. I was the one to quit, but it was after several months of people attempting to make my life miserable and make me quit. It was 4 months struggle on my side with wide open eyes and diplomacy to fight for my position and having constantly to defend my name. I had to spell out a lot of long hidden things to my boss in order to defend my position, I had to betray my coworkes to protect myself, after they had already betrayed me. It is a long story for another topic. At that point my boss wanted me to stay, offered me 10 days vacation and the long waited and promised salary raise in several months, but at that point I was already 10 kilos down weight, severely burned out and exhausted. I also knew that at that point he only needed me not to quit for 2 reasons. One is that I called to HR in a way that me leaving would make him look bad. And the other is that I would leave a project with no one to cover it in the following months. So I decided that these are bad reasons to accept his offer. I mean, what a way to treat your employees – first beat them and pulling out the good stuff at the exit door. I took several months of compensation wages and rested but my time has run up.
    The problem is that since then I haven’t stopped sending out my resume to companies. I read forums and professional advise on how to edit my resume, how to present myself on interviews. I even had personal advise from a professional recruiter. No one even bothers to call. For 8 months I had 3 interviews, all 3 phone calls happened at one day, and all 3 interviews were scheduled in the following week.
    To my surprise, 2 out of 3 times I was called from my last company, a large corporation. After so much time to clear my mind and thoughts, I decided that I could give a fresh start to the company, with new colleagues and new boss. After all, I don’t have so many options right now. But there is a catch. For a rehire, they would call my last boss for feedback. I was surprised when my boss called me on the phone to tell me that he had given me good feedback and I am welcome back in the company. He also told me that he would be glad to have me back on his team, with updated salary. I was very thankful and told him that I would have to wait to see how the other interviews would go and what happens. I even told him that I saw the opening in his team and I applied, but he told me that the one I had applied for was not the right one, it said another country’s name and I withdrew it. He said he would tell me what to do if I decide to come back. The interview with the other hiring managers was a bit stressful. I was not feeling so well as my menstrual cycle began on the same morning. My blood pressure was very low. In such days I am more withdrawn and not well focused. And on top of that, they didn’t ask me questions about my previous experience, they put me in simulated scenarios of a role which is less familiar to me and a bit specific. I felt like a dumb idiot standing in front of them. I managed to give some answers but I was honest that I don’t have first hand experience in the area, that my answers are based on common sense and that I am open to learn. Then I was told that they would give me their response within 2 weeks in any case, even if rejected. We shake hands and she told me that she is looking forward to work with me. But I was sceptical and stressed out from the interview and said I would be waiting for their feedback. I didn;t hear from them since then, more than a month now. I sent a follow-up e-mail to the recruiter that contacted me, with no response. Usually they do reply. Maybe it was August and vacation season, but I definitely know how the hiring system works in the company and I would know if I was rejected.
    At one point I was finally ok with myself going back to my last boss and I called him. I asked him if he was still looking for a person to fill the position. THe job was already given to someone else. He asked me if I had really applied because he didn’t see my application. In fact I really had withdrawn it because he told me that I had applied for the wrong one. Nevertheless, he said he would call me back in couple of hours and he did. According to him, I was approved for the other job, but the company is in it’s last fiscal quarter reducing budgets so they don’t know when they will be allowed to fill in the position. This sounded promising to me because I finally thought that I had found a job and it is a matter of time to start, and only to worry about the money for a short period of time, maybe taking a loan from someone for the time being. But the next week, I saw the same position reposted on the job board, accepting new applications.
    I really do need a miracle. I don’t know how come I have experience, certificates, I know foreign languages, and for 8 months unable to get any interviews…

    #114088
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi cherryblossom,

    At least your old boss liked you enough to want you back!! OK, don’t take all this personally ~ it is that tough out there!!

    What I would do is WHILE you are waiting for responses to the resumes you will still send out is create your own luck.

    Get a job in retail (I know, I know, you are overqualified), even if just a coffeehouse job. Then put ads in to the paper advertising yourself! Consultant, teacher/tutor, personal shopper, dog groomer, anything and everything.

    Everyone I know has three separate, unrelated side gigs going on. That they created.

    You will meet new people, be more flexible, and most importantly, transmute your anxiety into action!

    And yes, prayer works! At my lowest point I found myself fasting and reciting the Book of Psalms. Guess what it worked!!

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    #114089
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Inky,

    Thank you for your advise! Your comment actually made me realize I might be luckier than I thought. 🙂 I do have some places in mind to work as waitress eventually.
    Just to point out, I don’t live in the US and job market is a bit different.

    #114093
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    But of course he would like me back. It was not simply I like you, you can come back here, there was an opening in his team he needed to fill in. And I know from my colleagues that a lot of people are leaving now. With me, there would be no risk as he knows me, he knows that I am an honest worker, and saving the time to train me. Plus I always did good work for less pay, I am gentle, kind of push-over and he could have his way with me. This is the very reason I hesitated going back to his team.
    And his search for new applicant was urgent enough so when I called him back he had given the job to someone else, which is completely understandable. The trouble is, I don;t have any results from the other position, still waiting. I don;t know to what extent managers exchange information internally, and if this could influence my application or not. And if I apply yet again for another position in the same company, I don’t know if this time my ex boss would give a good feedback about me. I hope so, since he has filled in his demand already. This is one of the largest employers in the very capital of my small country, and it is a bit hard to find good work here. Also, I don’t know if other employers seek feedback from former companies…
    When I was leaving, he promised to write me recommendations, and I said that of course I would accept if he wants to write me one. He was hoping at the time that I would change my mind and decide to stay, and I was very confused. I wasn;t sure if I was taking the right decision but I was so exhausted by the turbulences I went through. Too much was going on with my life and I needed time to distance myself from things. During my last day at work he said several times: I still think we are forgetting something. I said no, I think I have given you back everything, I have signed this and that, that’s it. He asked me for my phone number, to keep in touch, and said: I know, we forgot the recommendations; he said it with a hint of satisfaction that he was telling me this on the way out. I don;t know where I took that reserved self confidence at that moment, but I was cool. I told him, that if he really wanted to give me recommendations, he would do so, without me having to push him and beg.
    I seriously don;t understand any of this. Why during all the time I was working there, he would be only nice when he wanted something out of me, and push me around like a farm animal other times… why I was hearing rumors about other people receiving significant pay raises while I was underpaid and he kept convincing me that there was no budget for me. Why he would play good cop/bad cop with me all the time, and give me acknowledgement when it is too late and I’m half way out… What would YOU do if you were me? Unfortunately, money DOES matter in my case as I have no one else to depend on but myself. And the bank…
    Praying every day

    #114113
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cherryblossom:

    You asked for “some advise of making magic or miracles happen.” My advice is: the magic or miracle you are looking for is you being assertive. Assertiveness is the magic.

    I think that it doesn’t matter what are the motivations of your old boss in anything he did. What matters is that you assert yourself with him and make the job situation (if you work again with him) workable for you.

    You wrote about working for him: ” I always did good work for less pay, I am gentle, kind of push-over and he could have his way with me”- this is the problem, that you were “kind of push-over.”

    I am guessing that in your personal circumstances that you mentioned being turbulent, you are also not assertive. Am I correct? And so you feel that you are dependent on a miracle, magic and fate, the three words you mentioned.

    There are circumstances you can’t change, but there are circumstances that you can change, so take on the challenge, exercise the power you do have.

    anita

    #114127
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear anita,

    you are absolutely right. I have had so much time lately to think about a lot of things and reflect on my mistakes, my behavior and direction in life. There were events that led to other events and so on leading me to such a situation that I had no firm ground under my feet to stand on and assert myself, and I have learned some lessons.
    I do pray however, and need a pinch of good luck for finding a suitable and available job, because at the moment I seem to be unable to find one that is available and that approves of me. It seems that what I am doing at the moment, checking job boards and applying, isn’t working for some reason, the way it worked for me before. This used to be my thing, being able to find the right job and get it, giving advise to people on how to edit their CVs and how to answer interview questions. I have helped some people before. And now I need this skill of mine more than ever, but things have change and it is no longer working or me…

    #114128
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cherryblossom:

    No doubt, luck does play a significant role in life.

    Why do you think what you have done before in job searching is no longer working? Is it a change in the economy, in the function of companies (for example downsizing often to cut costs).. ???

    I wonder if you are worried about your former boss giving you a bad recommendation? Reads to me like for his own reasons he is not going to give a potential employer a negative review of you..?

    anita

    #114175
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear anita,

    The previous time I was looking for job, I had almost no experience, I was young student that spoke 2 foreign languages with fresh attitude to learn new things and to excel. At this time the first outsourcing companies came in our country and I was the perfect fit for a call center job. These are the companies that offered better payment and social benefits than other industries. There were of course other professions but I was just a student at the time.
    It is the type of industry and company that you develop professionally with exposure to processes and experience and not so much academic qualification and along the way I also got some certifications. By the time I left I had already landed on some process management position, but keeping my salary from the call center job (tough times for the company apparently).
    But now instead of feeling more confident with all that experience, I feel more stupid. I don’t skip positions that are not that related to my experience, stating I am willing to learn, and I am really, but my experience so far turns out to be a negative. I state that I am willing to start from scratch, from lowest level in hierarchy as it’s the best way to learn but they don’t take this. Apparently I would eventually get bored and leave when the first better opportunity present itself to me. And the funniest part is that what I have done so far is not such a big deal. It is not technical, or team management, or financial, or sales, just coordinating some processes.
    Of course I tailor my resume for every job offer I find and try to work out their presumptions but the result is not that good.
    Also I noticed that my application has status pending and under recruiter review for months with absolutely no progress. Apparently HR have very complex recruiting processes. I know they do because I have heard from people about variety of considerations and levels of approvals to consider…
    I guess I had beginner’s luck when I was younger and had less experience in job hunting. I had this inner knowledge and intuition in spite of what everyone was telling me. I just knew from within what I have to do. Now with experience I have lost this spark and am more “objective” and down to earth. It is not the time to expect wonders and miracles, I feel that I have to put some hard work in order to achieve anything.
    It was a bad time to leave my job. If I ever had the intent to change jobs, I would invest in some qualification first to fit to my desired job as I don’t have the degree. Who is going to university anyway when you can get a project management certificate for a week if you just can afford it. But my situation was different, and at the time I was focused on other areas of my life. I have learned a few things during the past months intending to start my own project and be my own boss but it is not as easy as it seemed and takes longer time, so at one point I decided I should better back up myself with a steady income and develop anything in my spare time.
    Going round and round in circles…

    #114188
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cherryblossom:

    I asked a question and received an answer. Unfortunately, I don’t have the professional experience personally or by proxy (being involved with a friend’s or spouse’s experience) to understand some of the things you described in the last post. So I asked a question but am not able to process the answer. Maybe someone else with experience will be able to do so and post to you.

    I still have a response though, of a general nature: the workings of the rule setters of a company, what they decide behind close doors, who to hire, how to deal with employees and such- these going-ons are probably impossible for an employee to figure out and control (these being secretive, not transparent)- there is politics, power-dynamics, taking advantage of others, etc.

    As an employee or an applicant, if I was one, I would expect the employer to not be my friend, in any way. I would expect the employer/s to be interested in his welfare, not mine. I will understand that I am not getting into a partnership of any kind or into a fair and just playground where everyone plays by certain rules and there is someone to supervise and make sure the playground (work environment) is safe and just.

    I will open my eyes to what is going on best I can and present myself in that context, that is, I will figure what motivates the employer and present myself with that in mind. For example, you may think that if you tell an employer: hire me because I am willing to work for less money, then you are increasing your chances to be employed. But it may have no affect on the hiring employer or a negative affect, like you suggested yourself if I understood correctly.

    Certainly, I have seen- from experience- an individual, very qualified and hard working, who failed in a company simply because he believed the people he was dealing with were decent, like him. That was his failing.

    anita

    #114281
    VJ
    Participant

    Dear cherryblossom,

    Firstly just to let you know even I am currently in a jobless situation after working for a company for 6.5 years. Also this is the third time there is a gap in between my employment. It is not new about all what you have explained about your company’s situation. @Inky has aptly summarized it as – “it is that tough out there!!”

    So then what to do during this situation…
    1) You can be sad about your situation, but don’t be unhappy.
    Try to keep yourself happy and cheerful by doing things that make you happy, by doing all the nice things that you like. There could be many of them and starting by making a list of those will itself keep your mind off of your concerns and then following that list will further elevate your contentment leading you to inner states of peacefulness, joyousness and merriment.

    At the same time, keep applying to jobs. Do not stop them. But the idea is to keep your state of mind in a happy, peaceful and joyful state irrespective of whatever happens, such that all good things start to be coming to you in the form of a job or it may well be anything else.

    2) Please go through the link as well as the video on this post
    (http://tinybuddha.com/topic/i-got-fired-today/#post-113468)
    I have intentionally pointed the link to the follow-up post so that you read that too.

    3) Switchwords
    In his book ‘The Secret of Perfect Living’, James T. Mangan created a psychological system, in which one could engage their subconscious minds and achieve certain specific mental states by focusing their attention on one-word affirmations called Switchwords.

    These Switchwords are powerful words that connect directly to our subconscious mind, helping clear blocks to success and activating our ability to manifest love, money, creativity, self-healing and success.

    What are Switchwords? – Above is a short summary. If you want to know more about them then read on or else go to the ‘How to use Switchwords?’ section below.

    The power of the mind in creating our experiences is amazing. Switchwords when uttered frequently either silently or loudly or mentally, our subconscious mind listens to it and makes adjustments towards the reality of that statement. The subconscious mind does not filter or judge our thoughts. To it, the feelings or emotions are neither pleasant nor unpleasant, it cannot differentiate between actual reality and mental suggestions; it simply acts on our statement.
    Switchwords bypass the conscious mind and activate the subconscious switches. They can change your energy system to allow the Universe to fetch out your wishes, your desires and your needs to materialize them.

    They are used to help find abundance, bring love, find lost articles, enhance relationships, center attention on you, become a good orator (speaker/presenter), enhance your learning skills, connect to your creativity, get transportation when in need like a bus, or a taxi, and so forth.

    They will help us attract opportunities, people, circumstances, events, possessions, wealth, or a life style with the power of our minds to create love, money, health, miracles, new ideas, solutions to problems, beauty, peace, wisdom, protection, youthfulness, attractiveness, togetherness, and much more.
    In other words, using Switchwords puts one on a path to finding happiness and eliminating life’s obstacles and frustrations.

    The more a Switchword is repeated, the more it affects your energetic system. The more it affects your energy, the more you attract the experience, condition or response the Switchword represents to you.

    How to use Switchwords?
    All you need to do is simply say, declare, chant, sing, proclaim, or even just think the Switchword.

    But you have to make sure to let go of the need, to let go of the attachment towards the end result and allow the experience to come to you.

    This analogy can be best explained as the quote on the following image –

    https://s10.postimg.org/tkqnjg7p5/Butterfly_Quote.jpg

    You can Google up for the ‘Universal List of Switchwords’ by James Mangan and other articles on this topic where people have explored and created their own Switchwords. Similarly you too create your own Switchword or Switchphrase (Switchphrase is a nothing but a combination of Switchwords) which resonates with you the best.
    But to assist you in your situation I have formed the below Switchphrase suitable to your situation.

    FIND DIVINE JOB COUNT NOW DONE

    FIND – find a job
    DIVINE – find it miraculously; find it through Divine intervention
    JOB – what is that you are looking for
    COUNT – geting a job is going to give you money
    NOW – find it now; find it at the soonest possible
    DONE – as if its already done for you

    Just repeat the above Switchwords (mentioned in bold) as many number of times and as and when possible. Repeating the Switchword (or anything else) is also called as chanting. As an analogy it is said to “Repeat the Switchwords, till the time you become them”. Meaning – until you get it all over you, all over your body’s internal energetic system. That will happen by repeatedly chanting which will raise your energetic vibrations.

    How will you know that?
    You need to do it till you get what you want or you stop when you come out of your present state of mind of “wanting”, “needing” of a job or when you find internal peace towards your situation which is a state like “It’s fine if I get a job. Even if I don’t get it, that’s fine too!”.

    Best of Luck my friend!

    VJ

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by VJ.
    • This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by VJ.
    #114484
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thank you all for your kind advise. I will pull out myself and find the energy to follow your steps.
    I just needed a space to express how I feel. For months I have been trying to keep myself up. I used this time to reflect upon so many things. I had some realizations, of mistakes, of bad choices, cleared up the regret and transformed it into resolutions. I had time to study some things, to improve some skills, to research new possibilities. I slowly regained my will to start all over and move on. I stayed positive that when I am ready, the opportunity will appear. I learned to appreciate again the simple things, living simpler and with less money, even to better filter the people around me and to assert myself better, to put my needs and resources in consideration first and then decide, to protect my best interest. I read some motivating books. I created cosy positive atmosphere with candles, incense, music, meditation, home yoga practice, walks in the nature. Not to give myself into negativity and depression, not to give up, to keep my spirit up. But these days, I am already starting to feel very down, hopeless. I tried so many things. If I apply for a less qualified work, they don’t take me seriously. I am running out of time and options. I need something to happen very soon…

    #114490
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cherryblossom:

    I sure hope you will feel better soon, that something significant and positive takes place in you and your life. Please do post anytime.

    anita

    #115772
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear anita,

    Right after this post, I got 2 consecutive interviews in very short time for a promising company. There would be some considerable compromises to be made in terms of lifestyle from my part, if they end up hiring me for the job. I know interviews are supposed to be challenging as to test the candidate responses to stress, alertness and negotiating skills. But I felt a bit angered after every meeting, I can’t explain why. There were some questions implying that I was a bad employee. Maybe after my troubles last year I should expect such questions, but maybe, just maybe there is a tendency in job interviewing, viewing a person wanting to change companies or after couple of months of unemployment as a bad thing… If this is some kind of vibe I am picking about choosing this company, it’s confusing. Maybe I will need to think about eventual offers.
    In the mean time I tried to follow-up for the other position I mentioned earlier, in my former company. I spoke to former coworkers and according to them they liked me for the job but were waiting for something. So now, a month later, seeing the job post updated and still hanging on the public boards, I decided to gently check with HR if I am still considered for the job. Not only didn’t I receive any response but it was a system generated sorry message. Maybe HR are over stressed. But it got me calling back my formed manager, explaining I never meant to mislead him about going back to his team and where a misunderstanding between us might have come from. Then asking how come he gave me this information and the result from HR is negative. According to another former colleague, my former manager only wanted me back on his team when he needed me, otherwise not in the company. If this was really true, conveniently I’m good enough for the company only when he needs to fix his excel table, and not otherwise… He then told me that a rehire ticket has been raised which was rejected by country HR manager. As a last resort, I took the nerve to write directly to country HR a rehire petition letter, reminding my work experience in the company, my achievements, and regretting some past mistakes, promising to give all from my side if they reconsider my application. But I don’t expect much from this, considering what happened in the past…
    I feel so hopeless…. everything is upside down…

    #115806
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cherryblossom:

    I read through your posts on this thread, trying to get a better understanding of your situation and will try to get it as-I-type the following:

    You’ve been unemployed since December 2015. You experienced family relationship troubles for some time (no details on this thread). In your last job you experienced mental agony, as I understand it: relationship troubles with your boss at the time and co workers (them betraying you and then, you wrote that you betrayed them).

    You have been applying to positions in other companies but also in the company for which you worked last, communicating with the same boss and co workers.

    You are concerned with the boss’s motivation for re-hiring you, with whether the co workers like you… and in the new companies for which you interviewed (last post), you feel interrogated or accused and angry at being treated somewhat as a suspect.

    You feel, understandably, great pressure to be employed again. You feel not in control of your work life, lost and powerless and therefore, that you “Need a miracle” (title of thread).

    Is my summary so far correct?

    If so, I think you are lost in HR politics and policies that I am not familiar with. You are also lost in taking your last work experience ending December last year very personally: stuck on the old boss’s motivation for rehiring you (does it really matter why he would hire you if your goal is to be hired?) and in dynamics with co workers, perhaps, cross betrayal thing. But they like you now, you wrote, so maybe you did get lost in drama that lives in your brain more than in reality?

    Maybe the miracle you need is some sort of Clarity, a cognitive sorting out of feelings and reality, of understanding What-is-going-on here?

    Awaiting your response.

    anita

    #115812
    Midnight
    Participant

    Dear Cherryblossom,

    I admit I didn’t read all posts in this thread, mostly your first post and your recent update, and now Anita’s summary which helped me get a better idea of what you are going through. So if I reply in a way that doesn’t suit your story and needs, please let me know or feel free to just ignore my words.

    Like Anita, I too can see that you are still very caught up with your past.
    Your experiences at your work place and this long period of unemployment have left you feeling useless, unwanted and lost. I can relate to what you are going through, I know how hard it is to be unemployed and to feel that you left a workplace with “bad energy” instead of a good, healthy closure. It is in some ways similar to a relationship that ends, and it can be as unsettling because you feel that you have lost your life frame somehow and are left with a void. From what I’ve read it sounds a bit as though you were trying to go back and fix the things that went wrong, instead of going forward with your life.

    I was wondering if there was any other direction that you could take, in the meantime or altogether, to break this pattern of desperately looking for a similar job to the one you had, or getting back into the same company?
    Could you perhaps find work in another town/city, start your own little company, work from home, make a career change, learn something new? I have no idea what area you are in so maybe none of these apply to you, but I find that it can sometimes help to think about other possibilities and consider other options, to make you see that your life doesn’t have to be narrowed down to this search for a job. And that the miracle can be created by you, even if it takes time and effort. Because at the moment it seems to me that you feel so dependent on other people’s approbation of you, hiring you or being happy with you, that maybe it takes up all the space and leaves no room for what you can do to change your life, and to what would make you happy and fulfilled.

    If you want to share a bit more about what you do, or about what you like to do outside of work, maybe we think can together and see what options there might be that you’re not seeing right now?

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Midnight.
    • This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Midnight.
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