I’m not very sure if I want to have a career in filmmaking. I’ve always wanted to be an artist in some form, since I was younger, but film has been a relatively recent obsession for me. I am surprised actually by how much stronger it became for me compared to music, at least, for the time being. I couldn’t imagine myself work in film, however, at least, I wouldn’t try to pursue it. Instead, I’ll just wait for doors to open and opportunities to greet me by surprise. I think a lot of things and decisions in life are made that way, anyway. Like, I may meet someone, or be connected to someone through someone else… But I’m not going to film school or actually go straight to the path… I’m already in my major (I’m studying Sociology, Anthropology, and Psychology. Um, I know that’s a lot, but I’m actually taking an Interdisciplinary approach to them, rather than majoring in one. I would have sticked with just Psychology though, but I am too late to make that decision now, and they had a quota when I shifted…), but I don’t regret it.

I do however want to make music and draw/paint. I guess I have some potential in both, but I am really, at the moment, focusing on my healing. Perhaps art can heal me, but that is why I am at the appreciating stage first and not yet creating, because I am not completely healed yet…? Not sure if that makes sense.

But right now, it seems that I didn’t take the path necessary for any of those. At least, not in any professional sense. Surely, once I am settled in my life, I will be starting to learn those already.

I think the actual profession doesn’t really matter. Rather, whatever the profession, it becomes a venue for me to self-actualize. (Meh, how cliche hahaha) I think I like too many things for my own good. I even considered learning languages (as I’ve realized when I tried to speak Japanese to a family friend, but suddenly felt a strong urge to connect in a much deeper sense. I have not learned it deep enough yet to truly converse)

For some reason though, I’m not in any rush to travel. Many people in my country dream of living abroad, but what’s more important to me is that I connect with the culture and the language of the people. If I don’t do that, I will be in no rush to live abroad at all. It wouldn’t be worth it for me. Besides, it’s not so sad in my country that those fed-up people can’t find anything here for them. Rather, they couldn’t find it because they were closed to alternatives. Sure, it might be hard to find some things, but if they actually tried, they’d find it (some underground community here or there that turned out to be enough for them… You see, if they moved abroad right away because they wanted access to something where that thing they’re looking for is much more developed, then they might be overwhelmed because they have to push themselves into something so big, right away. They’d be lost in such a world where it was always more developed, and they don’t measure up anymore…)

Woops, I hope I didn’t confuse you… It’s something that’s been on my mind but I can’t explain properly.