Dear helleia,
it is obvious from what you wrote that you are distressed. “Crying histerically” is another sign of depression or, to use another word, burnout. From what you wrote in the other thread you are under a lot of stress trying to fit in, comparing yourself to your classmates: “they were already at a higher level than me when we were all freshmen. It was so obvious.” and trying to finish college. This would be a challenge for anyone, but if you have depression on top of it, being reinforce by your constant struggles – then right now, by not getting competent counseling, by not admitting that you might need professional help, you make your life a lot worse than it has to be. Your “slowness” for example, might be a part of you that says “I don’t want to keep going like this, I want things to change! And if things don’t change I’m not playing along anymore.”
A therapist can help you develop the skills to deal with your stress and to deal with your negative thinking. He/she will also listen to all your “whining” because she knows there is some basic need that is not fullfilled right now.
You might think you don’t need that, but I would ask you to consider this: if someone broke an arm, would you tell him: “well get your act together and stop whining.” No I think you would make sure he sees a doctor. Depression is just the same, you can’t just wish it away. And I’m wondering if maybe right now your have been in this state for so long, you don’t know that things can be different.
On Youtube, you can find a video called “I had a black dog, his name was depression.” It might help you understand better what I’m trying to say.
I do realize I made a lot of assumptions based on what you wrote here and also based on my own experience. But especially if you suffer from depression, it might be difficult for your to accept it. So I urge you again to see a councilor to get some real evaluation and help. Maybe this is even something that can be solved in a few sessions.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 