Thank you all for your kind advise. I will pull out myself and find the energy to follow your steps.
I just needed a space to express how I feel. For months I have been trying to keep myself up. I used this time to reflect upon so many things. I had some realizations, of mistakes, of bad choices, cleared up the regret and transformed it into resolutions. I had time to study some things, to improve some skills, to research new possibilities. I slowly regained my will to start all over and move on. I stayed positive that when I am ready, the opportunity will appear. I learned to appreciate again the simple things, living simpler and with less money, even to better filter the people around me and to assert myself better, to put my needs and resources in consideration first and then decide, to protect my best interest. I read some motivating books. I created cosy positive atmosphere with candles, incense, music, meditation, home yoga practice, walks in the nature. Not to give myself into negativity and depression, not to give up, to keep my spirit up. But these days, I am already starting to feel very down, hopeless. I tried so many things. If I apply for a less qualified work, they don’t take me seriously. I am running out of time and options. I need something to happen very soon…