Dear anyakhan:

Nobody can feel only positive feelings toward another person. Therefore a man in a relationship with you will sometimes feel some anger, frustration and sadness toward you. This is unpleasant but reality.

Abuse is never excusable though, no matter the person’s feelings. If a man feels anger toward you and proceeds to yell at you, the fact that he feels anger is okay (he can’t help feeling what he is feelings, just like any other person, including you. We feel what we feel, it is automatic): what is not okay is screaming when angry or using hurtful words.

The two men in your life with whom you cried a whole lot, were they abusive?

Or did you notice a negative feeling and got overwhelmed by it, as if it was a terrible thing by itself? I mean, do you… fall apart when a person expresses a negative feeling, even a mild one (but is not abusive)?

anita