Thank you for all the replies. It means a lot to me, and you guys are awesome for giving so much attention for a stranger on the internet.

I had a long talk with my sister on the subject, who is a very empathetic and skilled psychologist. She came to a pretty solid point in the matter which made me thinking.

This girl was awesome in many ways, we had the same interests, we had fun together, I had no problem listening to her for hours at a time, she was so intereting. And besides this we listen to the same bands, which is a huge thing for me because not many people listen to this type of music and I go to many concerts, it was great sharing this with someone. SHe also took care of her bdoy, which was beautiful. Those big blue eyes haunt me to this day but I think about how great our time was. But besides all of this there were many “red flags” in our dating. He had a boyfriend of 5 years with whom she only broke up with after we had sex, and she told me that she already cheated on him with a guy who basicly still “stalks” her. On our third date we had an awesome day, in the end she asked me if I love her, I made a joking response and said that while its getting there I’m not there yet. She was hurt by it and just walked away from me without talking. She went to the “backup” guy to cry and a few hours later told me how sorry she was. I mean we had this great day and just after one small slipup she already hangs with the backup guy? Another thing was that when we had sex she always told me “Oh we don’t need that condom”, I guess I dont need to say more about this (and no, I didnt care and put one on anyway always). Also she asked me to be in a relationship after 4 dates. She also never told me anything positive abu her previous relationships.

I really liked this girl, I never had so much fun with anyone who I dated. And because of this I kept lying to myself, turning a blind eye to all of the flaws, because I really wanted to belive that something can happen with her. She told me that she is pretty sure that the problem lies somewhere around here. I kept lying to myself even though deep down I know that this could not work on the long run.

It was a beautiful experience, a lot of things opened up in me that I didn’t know I was capable of. But I guess she came into my life to teach me these things and probably a few years from now I’ll totally understand her purpose in my life. Sorry for the long post, if you have any thoughts on the matter please share it with me, I’m really interested.