Dear anyakhan:

Both men were abusive to you from your description and they are responsible for abusing you. Shame you ended up with two abusive men in a row. The first one screaming at you (that is abusive), blaming you repeatedly for his actions (abusive) and telling you that he feels happy thinking about his ex girlfriend (abusive). The current boyfriend is abusive when he uses abusive language against you.

You have to exit an abusive relationship, the current one, for your own well being. If there is pain from long before, from your childhood, it needs to be uncovered but only after you stop allowing more pain into your life, pain from your current abusive relationships.

Is there anyone that can help you in exiting this relationship?
anita