JJ,
Piggybacking off what Ishmael posted, I would recommend help. If you go to YouTube and search “Robert Wong self redirection” channel you will find hundreds of videos on overcoming toxic relationships and self improvement. If you wish to improve, this is a great first step that requires nothing more than an internet connection. Once you have established your mindset the rest will follow. All the best to you.
Thank you and take care
-AP85